Relationships

I don't know what to do with a lot of relationships in my life right now.

Relationships have always been in a struggle for me.

There was the one in high school where I just couldn't take it anymore, I'd had enough. Too much backstabbing and manipulating. I cut off all ties. I didn't do it in a nice way and I regret a lot of it now, but still it was good for me. Some really great friendships came out of that decision.

Then in college, it took me a while, but I found eventually found friends I could be real with. I really treasured them. I pictured their faces next to me at my wedding--way in the future at that point. But then something changed. I'm not sure what. Those friendships seemed to evaporate overnight. Once again (can you see a trend??), I didn't handle it well. I tried, but it was all so complicated for reasons I still unknown to me. But out of the 'death' of those friendships, came even more beautiful ones that are still so dear to me.

Life after college...I figured my history with messy relationships would cease. But no such luck. I stepped right into a pile of complete crap, in terms of relationships. I usually feel like I can read people well, but I was fooled. I took the bait hook, line and sinker. It was a mess. I was in a new job, new town, new life and absolutely nothing made sense. I was dealing with stuff way over my head with roots far too deep.

Well, its been almost a full year since I put an end to it all, but I'm still dealing with the repercussions. Even from hundreds of miles away the misrepresentations and manipulations continue.

But when their tentacles reach back out, with the hidden promise of more deceit, how do I professionally and personally decline?? I want to be loving, kind, respectful, and compassionate without getting sucked back in. For now, I'm resolved to let it be; refuse contact, let the scars heal, and let the remains move on.